Tuesday, April 6, 2010

After Easter Pity-Party

They say the first holiday away from home is hard, and it is 100% true. I am emerging from this Easter four-day weekend feeling pretty empty. It's not that we did nothing to mark the holiday here in London. We got up and had our Easter egg hunt. The kids were thrilled with what the Easter Bunny left behind. We went to my friend's church for the morning service, and then back to her home for a lovely Easter turkey dinner. The weather was beautiful all weekend, far more like summer than the beginning of spring. We even got some necessary "around the house" stuff done. It's really not a lack of what we put into the Easter weekend in London. It's more about what we missed back home.

My family got together for an Easter celebration in New Brunswick. Now, we wouldn't always see my family on Easter weekend even if we lived in Fredericton. But it is more about what I couldn't do than about what I would have done that left me feeling sad this weekend. I missed seeing my nieces and nephew enjoying their Easter treats, and giving my mom and dad an Easter hug. Our church family celebrated Good Friday and Easter Sunday services together. I missed singing in the choir and seeing my friends on Easter Sunday morning. I missed hearing our Pastor's Easter morning message. As I said, we went to church, but it wasn't the same. I always try to make a big deal of what Easter really means -- Christ's resurrection that brings new life to all of us. Thankfully, Connor and Janelle understood, even without Sunday School, that this is what Easter is really all about. But it is so much easier when you have a church home, and you are involved in making Easter a special day, and sharing the message of God's perfect love. I still miss being involved in Easter productions that portray the passion week through drama and music. Being in the middle of it all makes it so much more tangible and filled with excitement. That wouldn't have happened this year even if we lived in NB, but it still added to my melancholy.

When we left home, I felt so bad about all the sad people I was leaving behind, and I didn't focus so much on myself. I was heading out to a new adventure. But on weekends like this, my focus is drawn to the fact that all those people who cried when we left still have each other. While we're out here, not completely alone, but feeling pretty alone sometimes. And feeling sad about how, while I am struggling to create a life and a home here, life back home has gone on pretty much just as it was before.

So on this gloomy, rainy morning, I am allowing myself this short, after-Easter pity-party. But I have sent my kids off to school, I have plenty of work to do to keep myself busy, I still have that great book to read, and I may indulge in a trip to the mall that I haven't gotten to yet. The pity-party is over, and it's back to real life. Back to focusing on the future and making London feel like home. So next year Easter won't be lonely. We'll have a church family to celebrate this most joyous day with, and hopefully that church will feel like home to us. The longing for New Brunswick will have dimmed enough that I will not constantly be thinking about what my family and friends are doing together, without us. I will be taking joy in all the good things about my life — here.

Quick Update: My meeting with Connor's teacher was fine, but it was the first negative feedback I've gotten from a teacher. Apparently, he is far too social for his own good, and it has been interfering with his ability to complete his school work. The other day, when the teacher took away his recess and lunch playtimes, he had a breakdown (outdoor time is pretty important to Connor). Somehow, we have to get him to learn how to focus during class time, and save his socializing for play times. At least, as his teacher says, he has had no trouble fitting in to the class!

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