Resolve

My resolution this year is to write. Every day. At least 500 words. It won’t always be a blog post. It won’t always be profound, or well-structured, or even intelligent. But to write is a beginning. And maybe someday it will turn into something more than musings… Something someone other than my mother will be interested in reading.

The problem is, I have made this resolution before. Perhaps not this specifically, and maybe not as intentionally, but I am still afraid that this one will fall to the wayside as other resolutions have before. How do I make this one different? How do I make it matter enough to follow through? I want to be purposeful about this. I want to make it a habit. I guess that’s why I haven’t made many rules that I have to stick to. That’s why I’m not just writing for my blog. I don’t want the pressure of having to write for others every single day. Many times this will just be for me, gathering my thoughts or preserving memories. I don’t know what I will write about. I have some ideas, but sometimes I’ll just pull a random writing exercise from a book or the web and I’ll see what happens. I really don’t know what this is going to become. But I know I am going to write. Every day. At least 500 words. No rules, just writing.

My lovely sister-in-law and her family were here for New Years Eve yesterday and into this afternoon. She and I connect on so many levels that our conversation feels like a tennis match to anyone else in the room – constant volleying of ideas back and forth about a hundred different topics in a matter of minutes. Our husbands and our children try to interject occasionally, but it is a challenge. She said she is going to try “bullet journaling” this year. I had never heard the term before, but it is basically what it sounds like, getting thoughts down in bullet points. This might be something I incorporate into my writing, but I have far too many words to say to fit it all into quick bullet points. I have far too many words to say… period. But once in a while, my writing might take that form. Like I said, no rules, just writing.

We rang in the New Year beautifully, with my husband’s sister and her husband and his brother, and with his step-sister and her sweet family, and with our two fantastic kids. I wonder how many more New Year’s Eve celebrations our children will want to spend with us? My son will be 16 in a month. Next year there might be a girlfriend in the picture. Maybe she’ll join our party, or maybe they’ll have a celebration to attend of their own. It has not been easy for me to let him grow up, even though he is mostly still a homebody who wants to hang out with his mom and dad. But I have to realize that there are some milestones coming that I am going to have to just let happen, knowing that I have taught him well and he is wise and good on his own. And one of those will include ringing in the New Year without his mom to hug at midnight. Time flies way too quickly. Luckily we have made beautiful memories to hold on to over the years, and new ones just last night as we hugged and kissed each other and cousins and aunts and uncles and toasted the arrival of 2016.

I resolve to preserve these memories with words. For my son, for my daughter, for myself. And sometimes for my mom to read since she’s too far away to be a part of them all. And maybe even for others who might be interested in sharing our journey from time to time.

Welcome 2016! Let the ride begin!

I'm Still Here!

Time flies by to quickly. How many times have I said it? It doesn't feel like three months since I've written a blog post, but it has been more than that. Today life looks very different than it did three months ago. There is snow on the ground, for one thing. I am sitting at my kitchen table, looking out the window at three children happily building a snow fort in the back yard, while light snowflakes softly falls around them. Our basement is finished, finally, and we have been thoroughly enjoying the extra space it has provided. Connor has somewhat recovered from the disappointment of not playing basketball this year. He still hopes to be part of a school team sometime in the next couple of years, but meanwhile he is enjoying more free time. He loves being part of the church youth group, and is going to his first winter retreat in Muskoka next month. Janelle still loves taking piano and dance. Last weekend she was part of a huge group of dancers from her studio who performed the half time show at a London Lightning basketball game. My kids have big smiles on their faces today. And that's what makes me smile.

I am sitting at my kitchen table because I got a laptop for Christmas! Now I can blog anywhere! And I will — I promise! But today the blog post is short because tomorrow it's Christmas again. Tomorrow we host the Haines family Christmas, so I have some work to do. Cleaning, groceries, putting all the gifts away. Life is busy as always, but I didn't want 2012 to end without one more blog post, just to remind everyone that I'm still here. Happy New Year!!

Resolution Recount

New Year's resolutions make my stomach hurt. I just don't feel up to the task anymore. I've made so many, and kept so few. I don't have any faith in my ability to keep them anymore! Every year I start with the most wonderful intentions. I come up with three or four creative and personal ideas that I want to carry through the year. I can count on one hand the resolutions I've seen through to completion in recent memory. In 2005 I read the Bible through, Genesis to Revelation, in less than a year. In 2006 I invented a job for myself (the best job I've ever had!). And in 2009 I let go of my own strongholds and fears and agreed to pull up stakes and move. But how many years have seen me determine to do something (often involving diet and exercise), only to give up by the second week of February?

Does this sound like I'm giving up on making New Years Resolutions? I'm not. I think, in part, I am too much of a perfectionist. If I don't start on January 1st, I've failed and there are no "redos". That's not what is happening this year. It is January 11th, and I really haven't gotten much of a start on any of my resolutions, but that's okay. I can start now. I can start next week. As long as I determine to start! So, here goes. Here is the 2012 list.

1. No more buying books. This is the only one that I have actually started already. I've encountered a number of gasps when I tell people this. It seems buying books is a very intrinsic component of my personality, and few of my friends actually think I'll be able to follow through. I do allow a couple of exceptions: a) I can download books to my Kobo if I have a gift card (and I do have a couple of gift cards handy in case I go into withdrawal), and b) I can use credit at the used bookstore, meaning I have to get rid of books to get books. Hopefully those two caveats will carry me through a year of no book buying. My sister-in-law is already playing devil's advocate trying to trick me into buying something, but I'm onto her game. Clearly I have more than enough books on my shelves and my Kobo to carry me through a year without adding to them. I'm actually curious to see how many of them I can get through this year. I think it might be fun!
2. Diet and excercise. I don't think I really need to expand on this one. It is as distasteful to talk about as it is to do. But I'm going to do it. The virtue I am teaching this month in Sunday School is self-control, so I should be ready to go by the end of the month! I made it through an entire evening without a snack last night, even while sitting next to my snacking husband on the couch (Don't think I didn't give him guilt for it!). I am armed with a new Jillian Michaels exercise video. I haven't tried it yet, but I shelled out ten bucks for it, so I am determined to use it. Starting tomorrow.
3. Writing more. I guess I could go to extemes and say I'm going to blog every day, or every school day. I've done that before. But blogging isn't the only writing I'm planning on doing, so I don't want to commit to that. I will blog more. In fact, a mini-resolution is to write more than 65 blog posts (my 2011 number) in 2012, and maybe even beat my 2010 number of 139, which is basically three a week, and that's my goal anyway. But this post actually grew out of a fun writing exercise I tried, so maybe it will all sort of grow together. Who knows? I guess I'm starting this one today.
4. Finding my path. I almost didn't write this one down, since it sounds kind of airy-fairy and hippie-dippie, but it is a pretty important one. At the beginning of 2012 I find myself at a place where I have no idea what I want to do when I grow up. Okay, so that's not completely true; I know I want to teach, but that doesn't seem to be in the cards, at least not at the public school level. So it's time to branch out my search and see what is out there that could turn into a career for me. We really can't afford the luxury of me staying home forever. This was supposed to be the time in our lives when we become a two income family. So I guess it's time for me to figure out where that second income is going to come from. Time to send Connor out to work, I guess! *hahaha*

So there we are, four resolutions. Nothing too terribly daunting (except that second one, ugh. Good thing I have an awesome FB support group! Hang tough, girls!). If anyone has any tried and true "resolution keeping" advice, I'd be happy to hear it. I know I've kept resolutions before, and I know I can again if I really try! And if you have made any resolutions of your own, let me know and we can keep each other accountable. Happy New Year! Starting today!

Happy New Year!

As I begin this New Year's Eve day, listening to the happy sounds drifting up the staircase, recalling the bounty that has characterized the past week, only one word fills my mind: BLESSED! Gratitude has been my personal theme for the past couple of months, and as 2011 draws to a close I find myself especially grateful for this new perspective I've adopted. Our Christmas was far too decadent, and I think we were in part trying to compensate for what was missing this year in not having our usual visits with family. It wasn't necessary. This has been a truly joyful Christmas holiday. In fact, as I attempt to put away all the gifts under the tree, I realize that these are not at all what I think of when I consider what a wonderful Christmas we've had. It was our first one that did not involve any travel. In fact, aside from one trip to town, a Dad/son date and Mommy/daughter date, and Connor's playdate yesterday, our week consisted of the four of us cozy together within the four walls of our home. We played games. We watched movies. We ate lots of turkey. We played with our new toys. We were content. We are content. I am loving this vacation and I don't want it to end!

My Christmas Eve blessings!

But today is December 31, and I cannot stop the New Year from coming! With it comes all sorts of challenges. Chris heads back to work on Tuesday, although thankfully not to the brutal pace that he has endured the past two months. I have a number of resolutions that I am determined to keep this year: more to come about those! Connor and Janelle have one more week off before their busy schedule resumes. Life rolls on and we try to roll along with it. If I allow myself to really consider what lies before us in these coming months and years I know I would find it daunting. But I remain content in knowing that my biggest responsibility is to look to the Lord and His Will and His Ways, and to try to align my own to the center of His. He is the Rock that I want to build 2012 upon.

This afternoon we drive to Oakville to spend the evening with family. I am so thankful we have this opportunity to nurture relationships with Chris's sisters and their families. We'll celebrate the coming of 2012 at Lori and Ben's New Year's Eve party, then bring all the kiddies back to Kate and Pierre's to spend the night and enjoy a lazy New Year's Day. I'll be thinking of my family and friends in NB, and I'll look forward to seeing them again in 2012. But I'll be happy to be spending the holiday exactly where I am.

Happy New Year to all!