Sunshine-y Attitude

I was in a crabby mood this morning. I don't deal well with pain, and prolonged pain really messes with my attitude. This morning I woke up and the pain in my neck was a bit better. I can look to the left and the right with almost no pain at all. There is still, however, a stabbing pain under my right shoulder blade that gives a sharp twinge with every step I take. It makes me grumpy.

And what makes me even more grumpy is that I don't have a car today. In order to have our vehicles registered in Ontario they have to pass a one-time inspection. Yesterday Chris took our 9-year-old Neon in. We feared it wouldn't be pleasant, but didn't expect too many problems since it passed inspection in New Brunswick in December. But of course, the mechanic found $1500+ work that needs to be done before he will give it safety approval. That also means it wasn't ready to come home last night. So I am without a vehicle today.

Chris had a meeting at 9:00. He was running late, so he needed to leave exactly 2 minutes before the kids were ready to leave for school. Which meant that I had to walk them to school. I made sure to let Chris know exactly how much pain he was causing me by insisting that I walk them to school. I'm not sure whether I caused any actual guilt, but that was my intention of course. I stepped out the door in a very crabby mood.

But there's a funny thing about beautiful, sunny mornings in May. They have a way of making crabby moods dissipate. It is an absolutely gorgeous morning. It is about 15 degrees C, and there is not a cloud in the sky. We only live about a kilometre from the school, so it was really a quick walk there and back. Breathing that fresh air had to be good for my aches and pains — and it was certainly good for my attitude. I came home feeling like I may be able to tackle a few more things on my list today. Maybe I could even scrub the floor!

But I have about 20 pages left of my book, and I think my lounge chair on the back deck would be the perfect place to finish it. Then I'll think about scrubbing the floor.

New Umbrella

Rain, rain, go away...

Come again another day...

Little Johnny, little Johnny

Wants to play!

I bought an umbrella yesterday. Too late. I picked up the kids at school in the middle of a downpour, without an umbrella, or a hood on my raincoat. I tried to look dignified. I knew running between raindrops wouldn't help. So I just walked, at a regular pace, from my parking space on the street, up the driveway of the school, around to the back of the school, and in the door where I could wait for Janelle out of the rain. I walked the same slow walk back to the van with the kids, while they teased me about not putting up my non-existent hood. I even enjoyed it a little, not caring whether I got wet because there was nothing I could do about it. I got back into the van looking like a drowned rat, but I didn't run home and hide. I ran an errand. I bought an umbrella.

These pictures are two years old, but I thought I'd demonstate some of the pure joy that using an umbrella can bring.

There's nothing I can do about the rain, so I might as well enjoy it! As I've settled into the everyday routine of living in London, that is kind of my attitude toward life here. I will find some joy in the little things. This is where I live, and it's not going to change any time soon. I can't avoid the raindrops, so I might as well relish the walk through the rain.

It's still raining today. Not as hard, but I expect I'll have a chance to use my new umbrella when I pick up the kids again today. And tomorrow. By Saturday the sun is supposed to come out, but I'm ready for it any time now. This rain is stifling my creativity.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain." Thanks, Heidi!

After Easter Pity-Party

They say the first holiday away from home is hard, and it is 100% true. I am emerging from this Easter four-day weekend feeling pretty empty. It's not that we did nothing to mark the holiday here in London. We got up and had our Easter egg hunt. The kids were thrilled with what the Easter Bunny left behind. We went to my friend's church for the morning service, and then back to her home for a lovely Easter turkey dinner. The weather was beautiful all weekend, far more like summer than the beginning of spring. We even got some necessary "around the house" stuff done. It's really not a lack of what we put into the Easter weekend in London. It's more about what we missed back home.

My family got together for an Easter celebration in New Brunswick. Now, we wouldn't always see my family on Easter weekend even if we lived in Fredericton. But it is more about what I couldn't do than about what I would have done that left me feeling sad this weekend. I missed seeing my nieces and nephew enjoying their Easter treats, and giving my mom and dad an Easter hug. Our church family celebrated Good Friday and Easter Sunday services together. I missed singing in the choir and seeing my friends on Easter Sunday morning. I missed hearing our Pastor's Easter morning message. As I said, we went to church, but it wasn't the same. I always try to make a big deal of what Easter really means -- Christ's resurrection that brings new life to all of us. Thankfully, Connor and Janelle understood, even without Sunday School, that this is what Easter is really all about. But it is so much easier when you have a church home, and you are involved in making Easter a special day, and sharing the message of God's perfect love. I still miss being involved in Easter productions that portray the passion week through drama and music. Being in the middle of it all makes it so much more tangible and filled with excitement. That wouldn't have happened this year even if we lived in NB, but it still added to my melancholy.

When we left home, I felt so bad about all the sad people I was leaving behind, and I didn't focus so much on myself. I was heading out to a new adventure. But on weekends like this, my focus is drawn to the fact that all those people who cried when we left still have each other. While we're out here, not completely alone, but feeling pretty alone sometimes. And feeling sad about how, while I am struggling to create a life and a home here, life back home has gone on pretty much just as it was before.

So on this gloomy, rainy morning, I am allowing myself this short, after-Easter pity-party. But I have sent my kids off to school, I have plenty of work to do to keep myself busy, I still have that great book to read, and I may indulge in a trip to the mall that I haven't gotten to yet. The pity-party is over, and it's back to real life. Back to focusing on the future and making London feel like home. So next year Easter won't be lonely. We'll have a church family to celebrate this most joyous day with, and hopefully that church will feel like home to us. The longing for New Brunswick will have dimmed enough that I will not constantly be thinking about what my family and friends are doing together, without us. I will be taking joy in all the good things about my life — here.

Quick Update: My meeting with Connor's teacher was fine, but it was the first negative feedback I've gotten from a teacher. Apparently, he is far too social for his own good, and it has been interfering with his ability to complete his school work. The other day, when the teacher took away his recess and lunch playtimes, he had a breakdown (outdoor time is pretty important to Connor). Somehow, we have to get him to learn how to focus during class time, and save his socializing for play times. At least, as his teacher says, he has had no trouble fitting in to the class!

The Urge to Explore

It is a gorgeous, sunny day in Southwestern Ontario, and I have the urge to explore. Connor's room is completely finished, and he is thrilled with it. I promised Janelle I would do hers today. But I'm antsy today! There are a million things I want to do! I want to drive around London and see the parts I haven't seen yet. I want to bake a batch of chocolate chip cookies. I want to fill up my bookcase with all the beloved books that are waiting in boxes. I want to find a bookstore and wander the aisles. I want to walk to the school to meet the kids when it is time to come home. I want to finish clearing the clutter out of my kitchen. I want to find a garden centre and start thinking about what shrubs I'm going to plant in the front yard. And I want to keep my promise to Janelle and make her room beautiful. Will I do all these things today? I don't think so. But if I'm going to do any of them, I better get started.

No time for writing today. Time for a shower so I can let my day begin!