Resolve

My resolution this year is to write. Every day. At least 500 words. It won’t always be a blog post. It won’t always be profound, or well-structured, or even intelligent. But to write is a beginning. And maybe someday it will turn into something more than musings… Something someone other than my mother will be interested in reading.

The problem is, I have made this resolution before. Perhaps not this specifically, and maybe not as intentionally, but I am still afraid that this one will fall to the wayside as other resolutions have before. How do I make this one different? How do I make it matter enough to follow through? I want to be purposeful about this. I want to make it a habit. I guess that’s why I haven’t made many rules that I have to stick to. That’s why I’m not just writing for my blog. I don’t want the pressure of having to write for others every single day. Many times this will just be for me, gathering my thoughts or preserving memories. I don’t know what I will write about. I have some ideas, but sometimes I’ll just pull a random writing exercise from a book or the web and I’ll see what happens. I really don’t know what this is going to become. But I know I am going to write. Every day. At least 500 words. No rules, just writing.

My lovely sister-in-law and her family were here for New Years Eve yesterday and into this afternoon. She and I connect on so many levels that our conversation feels like a tennis match to anyone else in the room – constant volleying of ideas back and forth about a hundred different topics in a matter of minutes. Our husbands and our children try to interject occasionally, but it is a challenge. She said she is going to try “bullet journaling” this year. I had never heard the term before, but it is basically what it sounds like, getting thoughts down in bullet points. This might be something I incorporate into my writing, but I have far too many words to say to fit it all into quick bullet points. I have far too many words to say… period. But once in a while, my writing might take that form. Like I said, no rules, just writing.

We rang in the New Year beautifully, with my husband’s sister and her husband and his brother, and with his step-sister and her sweet family, and with our two fantastic kids. I wonder how many more New Year’s Eve celebrations our children will want to spend with us? My son will be 16 in a month. Next year there might be a girlfriend in the picture. Maybe she’ll join our party, or maybe they’ll have a celebration to attend of their own. It has not been easy for me to let him grow up, even though he is mostly still a homebody who wants to hang out with his mom and dad. But I have to realize that there are some milestones coming that I am going to have to just let happen, knowing that I have taught him well and he is wise and good on his own. And one of those will include ringing in the New Year without his mom to hug at midnight. Time flies way too quickly. Luckily we have made beautiful memories to hold on to over the years, and new ones just last night as we hugged and kissed each other and cousins and aunts and uncles and toasted the arrival of 2016.

I resolve to preserve these memories with words. For my son, for my daughter, for myself. And sometimes for my mom to read since she’s too far away to be a part of them all. And maybe even for others who might be interested in sharing our journey from time to time.

Welcome 2016! Let the ride begin!