Knowing When to Stop

Church shopping continued... Yesterday we went back to a church that we have already been to a couple of times. Janelle had a birthday party at 11:00, so Chris suggested we go there because they have a 9:15 service. It seems to be the one we go back to when we haven't picked another to try.

We all felt so comfortable there yesterday. We just felt really good about it. Janelle is always happy to join the kids program, no matter where we go, so I'm not concerned about her finding a place where she'll be happy. But Connor is so hesitant to join in. On Saturday, he mentioned that a friend from his class said he attends this church. As soon as the kids were dismissed to their program he found his buddy and was happy as could be to stay with him for the morning. So Chris and I actually got to check out an entire service there for the first time.

Last week we went to a church that we were both absolutely sure we never wanted to go to again. I tried to keep an open mind for the whole service in case Chris was really enjoying it, but we hadn't left the parking lot before we both confessed that it was NOT for us. This time I was just loving every minute of it, feeling so at home, and sensing that we had actually found the church that God is leading us to make our home. Just like last week, I didn't want to say too much in case Chris was not feeling the same way, but we were still making our way out of the sanctuary when he said "I really like this church".  Yay!

We don't want to make a hasty decision, though. Friends of ours who moved a few years ago warned us not to decide on a church too quickly. They did not "church shop". They just went to one where their kids have friends and looked no further. They aren't happy there, but their kids are, and right now they feel it is most important to be where the kids are happy. But I do feel that maybe this is the one where we could all be happy. I am ready to stop looking. Chris is almost ready. This church has many pluses:

1. It is in our neighbourhood.
2. It isn't huge, but is a good enough size that there is a lot going on.
3. My kids seem happy there, and the kids program seems like something I'd like to get involved in.
4. We both really like the worship pastor, and his style of leading worship.
5. The pastor seems really genuine and very down to earth. I enjoy his preaching, and Chris does too, but wishes he would go a bit deeper sometimes. We both sense a real heart for seeing great things happen for God in this church, though.
6. The assistant pastor, who met us on our first visit, recognized us yesterday and made a point to speak to us.
7. There is a strong emphasis on acts of service within the community, as well as supporting a number of missions organizations abroad.
8. There is a mid-week family night, with a program for the kids and various speakers, a book club, or bible studies for adults.
9. There is an emphasis on getting people together for social events and small group bible studies.
10. If we attend this church, it would mean we don't have to look anymore!

I don't want to stop looking too soon, but I don't feel I need to try every church in London, either. This is the church that we found when we were here in January, and Chris studied every corner of their website before we even moved. There is nothing that we feel uncomfortable with at this church. The people are friendly, and seem to want to get to know us. One of my favourite things about this church is its imperfections. I feel like I could be used there. I don't feel like it is a well-oiled machine that couldn't possibly use anything I have to offer. I feel like this could be my church. I certainly don't feel 100% at home there yet, but I can imagine feeling that way someday. And this is the only church I have set foot in here that I have felt that way about.

Next week there is a Big Day Out at this church, a carnival type morning in service to the community, with bouncy castles and antique cars and lots of free food. The kids are really excited about it, so I don't think there is any question about where we'll be going next week. And the week after... we'll see...

Church Shopping

Yesterday was our first venture out to church on our own in London. We went to the church that we can actually see from my bedroom window. It is a very large church, probably 2000 attendees over three services on an average Sunday. It is a very polished church: theatre seating, flawless sound system, impressive musicians, engaging dramatic presentation, attractive kids area. The pastor preached a very good message. Janelle enjoyed the kids program, and found a friend from her class there. Connor prefered to sit with us, and although he was quite fidgety by the end, he seemed quite interested as well. All in all, this was probably a great church.

But the problem with church shopping is that it is impossible to figure out on one Sunday whether or not this is the church that will feel like home someday. Everything about this church was excellent, but no one wanted to talk to us. No one cared that we were there. The problem with church shopping is that we are trying to replace something very personal with something that, necessarily for a while, is completely impersonal. It is like replacing a pair of favourite old shoes that fit like a glove, that maybe have some holes and don't look very nice anymore, but feel wonderful, with a brand new pair that looks perfect, but feels a little too tight and leaves some blisters after a few hours of wearing. Our old church was far from perfect. We did our fair share of complaining at times. But it was ours. It was home. We knew everyone, and many of them felt like family. Chris had been part of that church for over 30 years. It was impossible to walk in the door without saying hello to a dozen people! I worked there for three years. It was quite literally my second home. How do you replace that?

I made  a joke at "Kidmo" a few months ago, on a particularly rowdy night (must have been a full moon) when the kids were driving the leaders CRAZY, that perhaps I'd like to find a big church where I could be one of the anonymous 80% who comes to church Sunday morning but does nothing to add to the ministry there. It was a joke, because everyone knew I wouldn't be able to do that. I need to have a ministry outlet! For the past several years it has been a number of things: nursery director, mom's club leader, choir, praise team, home group host/leader, Sunday School teacher, "Kidmo" leader, Junior Church volunteer, among other things. I'm not bragging about all I've done. My closest friends have contributed just as much. I just need to be a part of things; I need to do things that I feel are going to matter in eternity.

But I can see how it would be easy to become one of the anonymous 80% at a church like the one we went to yesterday. It would be easy to remain invisible. No one recognizes us, no one knows that we are new. No is going to ask anything of us. No one is going to seek us out to find ways to get us involved in their church. I think I'm just coming to understand that it is up to us to find a church, to find friends, to find an area of ministry where we can be used. It seems daunting. It seems overwhelming. It seems like something that is going to require much prayer.

I hate church shopping. I don't want to "try out" all sorts of churches in London. I want to walk into one and have it feel like home. But, I doubt that is going to happen. I don't think any church is going to feel like home without requiring something of me.

We are going to a different church next Sunday. Just to "try it out". But we may be back to the one we tried yesterday. You can't judge a book by it's cover, and you can't judge a church by one Sunday. This is going to take some time. And effort. And serious prayer.